Personal Things
by kassidanae
Summary: Kensi doesn't show up for work three days in a row with no excuse. When Deeks *finally* decided to see what's up, he learns a little bit more about his mysterious partner's past. Mainly a friendship level with underlying romance: Kensi and Deeks


So. This is my first 'NCIS LA' try... I know people are a little out of character, but I've seen a whole hell of a lot more 'NCIS' than 'NCIS LA' partly because there's eight vs two seasons, and I pretty much refuse to watch an episode if Deeks isn't in it. But I need to start so I can just watch them all. But anyway... I hope it's good anyway. :)

* * *

_Hetty, Callen, Sam, and Deeks,_

_I can't make it into work this morning; some personal things came up. I will hopefully be able to come in this afternoon, tomorrow morning at the latest. I'm sorry and I hope nothing major happens while I'm out._

_Kensi_

Hetty walked out to the workout room. Callen was climbing the rock wall, Sam was lifting weights, and Deeks was texting in the corner. "Miss Blye will not be coming in this morning." She let them know.

"Why?" Deeks asked, looking up from his cell phone.

"That is need to know, Mr. Deeks." And she walked out.

"What do you think 'need to know' is supposed to mean?" Deeks asked.

Callen shrugged from the wall. "Hetty probably doesn't know because Kensi probably didn't even tell her." Within an hour they all returned to their desks. In their email inbox they all had the same message from their missing teammate.

"So what do you think 'personal things' means?" Deeks asked.

"Why do you ask so many questions?" Sam shot back.

"It's not my fault you've known my partner longer than I have. Therefore you'd have a better idea at what she means than I do. And, because she'd my partner, I want to know." Deeks sarcastically explained.

"If you're so worried then ask her yourself, loverboy." Callen laughed.

"Fine. I will." Deeks replied indignantly. "And I'm not her 'loverboy.'" He had just picked up his phone when Eric walked toward the stairs.

"Hey, upstairs." he turned and started walking back. Deeks groaned and hit the 'end call' button on his phone.

"What, no creative 'team call' today?" Sam muttered as they trudged up the stairs. They were debriefed on their newest case and set off to work on it. Naturally, Callen said he was okay working on his own which forced Sam and Deeks to work together.

"What happened to protecting our own partners so we wouldn't have to work as partners again?" Sam muttered.

"Hey, it isn't my fault Kensi decided to have 'personal issues' today. And it's really Callen's fault that we're partnered up because he's the one that was okay to work on his own." Deeks said, staring straight ahead at the road.

"We're just trying to keep the streets of LA safe from you without my or Kensi's supervision."

Deeks glared at Sam. "Oh, haha you are so funny."

Sam just laughed.

* *Two Days Later* *

_Hetty, Callen, Sam, and Deeks,_

_I'm sorry I didn't make it in yesterday and I probably won't make it in today either._

_Kensi_

"That's it; I'm going to talk to her." Callen said, grabbing his jacket and keys.

"Wait, G, I'm going to go talk to her." Sam argued, grabbing _his_ jacket ad keys.

"Just let me try, Sam!" Callen replied. The two men argued about it for almost ten minutes before Deeks spoke up.

"Hey, maybe I should go." He said softly.

"No!" the other two said at once.

"You said yourself that you don't know her as well as we do." Sam argued.

Deeks groaned. "I didn't say well, I said long."

Callen stared at him. "Same thing! I think I understand her the most."

"Understand her the most? Like hell you do!" Sam exclaimed.

"Guys," Deeks said loudly before lowering his voice to a whisper. "Kensi's my _partner_." The three boys looked at each other and nodded in understanding.

Deeks drove to Kensi's house in record time. Her car was parked out front and all the visible lights were off. As Deeks walked up to the house he noticed it was unlocked. Quietly letting himself in, he noticed candy wrappers and ice cream cartons littering the floor.

"Kens?" he whispered. There was no answer so he started walking towards what he hoped was the living room. "Kensi?" there still was no answer. As it turned out, Deeks was heading in the right direction towards her living room and saw someone sleeping on the couch. He walked up and kneeled beside where she was sleeping.

He gently laid his hand on the side of her face. "Hey Kensi."

She smiled slightly without opening her eyes. "Jack?"

Deeks removed his hand and frowned. "Deeks."

She opened her eyes; they were bloodshot, red, and puffy. The smile was immediately gone and her eyes started to water up.

"Hey Kensi, what's wrong?" he whispered.

"Please, just go... Deeks, go." She muttered.

"Not until you tell me what's wrong." He insisted.

"Nothing's wrong. I'm sick, that's all." She whispered.

"And you're crying, why?" he asked.

"Allergies?" she lied.

"Kensi, I know you're not sick and I know you don't have allergies. I also know you're not telling me something." He said seriously. "And why do you want me to go away?"

"I haven't come into work these past few days because I don't want to see anyone." She murmured softly.

Deeks shrugged. "Well unfortunately for you, I wanted to see you so… yeah. What's wrong?"

"Look, I don't want to talk about it." She said, finally breaking down in the forbidden sobs that she never let anyone see before falling against Deek's chest.

"You don't have to talk Kens, but if you want to I'm here to listen. And don't be ashamed to cry because, believe it or not, you are human." He whispered, moving to sit beside her on the couch.

"That's the problem. I'm human. And humans make mistakes." She choked, still crying. "And I just know it's all my fault! I'm the one that couldn't stop him."

"Shh, it's okay Kensi. It's not your fault." He assured.

"It is my fault!" she yelled, "You don't know what I'm talking about; you don't know it's not my fault. If I had been able to do more for him, understand him more, or help him more."

Deeks had started to put the pieces together. "There was nothing you could've done to help Jack, Kensi. He left on his own and you did everything you could to get him to stay."

"But if I could've done more then… Then maybe…" she fell into another sobbing fit that, after the next fifteen minutes, slowly died down to a few stray tears.

"It was years ago that he left. If I hadn't been so immature and irresponsible back then than maybe this wouldn't have happened." She whispered, obviously half asleep. When he was sure she was actually asleep (her head still on his chest—not that he minded) he took out his phone and texted the team to let them know he also wouldn't be coming in for the rest of the day. After the message was sent he too fell asleep on Kensi's couch.

Kensi couldn't remember ever feeling this comfortable. At least not in the past few years. It only took her a moment to notice the pair of arms around her waist and the heartbeat under her ear. _'What the hell did I do last night?' _Then the memories came back, yet again, and she found herself fighting off tears.

This was when Deeks woke up. "How you feeling, Kens?" he whispered when he saw she was _still_ crying.

"Okay, I guess." She shrugged.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" he prodded. She nodded but stayed silent.

"Jack." She said simply, but her voice cracked. "He... He left me years ago and I always beat myself up over it. But that was nothing compared to this. After he left I'd lost all trace of him. Then when you found out about him you asked me if I'd ever tried looking for him. But then it was obvious he wasn't looking for me, so I did start to look for him. And I found him."

Deeks could tell his was extremely hard for her. Did he reject her? Not remember her? Was he with someone else? Had his PTSD gotten worse?

"He… He committed suicide eight months after he left me." She finally admitted.

"And how is this your fault?" Deeks asked when he figured it was safe to listen.

"If I had stopped him from leaving me and helped him deal with the PTSD then maybe it wouldn't have driven him this far." She shrugged.

Deeks sighed. He had never been good at this. "You did your best to keep him with you. That was completely his decision."

"But that only makes it worse! My best wasn't good enough. _I_ wasn't good enough to help his mind, to keep him here, to save his life." She busted into tears again.

"Your best _is_ good enough, he just didn't see that. I obviously never met him, and I'm sure he was a great guy. But if he left you after he was lucky enough to get engaged to you, then he was obviously out of his mind and didn't deserve you anyway. I'm sure the before-war-Jack was great, but it wasn't you that wasn't good enough Kens; after-war-Jack wasn't good enough for you."

Kensi was pretty sure she managed a smile. "Thanks."

"And I know that you're still going to need time to heal because you obviously still love him and I know my marching in here and giving you my speech isn't going to make everything better, but I made you smile so I at least made that teeny tiny moment better." He grinned.

"I stained your shirt." She blushed.

He shrugged and then winked. "This chest was made for womens' tears."

"I suppose you think you're a born comforter?" she asked.

"Nah, it was a learned trait."

"Well thank you for listening and letting my cry and letting me sleep and making me smile, Marty." She reached up and kissed him on the cheek.

And instantly his whole day was a million times better.


End file.
